Eleven months ago I wrote about things we were leaving behind in 2012. At the time, I was hanging onto this plaque in my dining room "as a reminder of what 'living by faith' was like".
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| FAITH: Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1 |
Well, it has served its purpose. As I passed it every night after supper, the message sounded stranger all the time. Sure of what we hope for? What exactly does that mean? Is it like knowing what you are getting for Christmas? Can you still hope for what you know?
A few weeks ago, I took the plaque down for good.
I am not sure of many things. I am often uncertain. Sometimes I encounter people of "faith" who are sure and certain. But these days, I am much more into hope.
HOPE: (n) the feeling of wanting something to happen and thinking that it could happen
Instead of telling myself "I believe" and waiting for miracles, I now use my energy to transform my own hopes into my own reality. Rather than trusting an invisible someone to know what is best for me, I am trying to determine what I really want from life, and what I am willing to invest to get it.
"So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be
And on this day we hope for
What we still can't see
It's up to us to be the change..."
"Thankful"
Yes. Yes to all of this. :-) xo
ReplyDeleteClosure is always good, there are some things that need to be discarded that we have been holding onto for too long.....
ReplyDeleteFor me, I had to re evaluate everything for about 2 years after giving up fundamentalism, especially the way I viewed the world, my views on politics, etc. I had to start all over again, and try to approach things with an open mind as best I could, and decide all over again how I felt about something.
I remember meeting a Wiccan for the first time. She ran a music store in my hometown (unfortunately, it has since closed) with a lot of hard rock memorabilia. I had gotten to know her and her husband online because of a local discussion site.
In the last days of her business, along with the CD's and memorabilia, with rather dark themes/logos, she started to sell items related to the Wiccan faith, she said there was a demand for it because there were so few stores that had it in the St. Louis area.
I would go in there, and see the tarot cards etc, and even though I had given up on fundamentalism about 2 years before this point, I damn near had a panic attack when I would see it, and jump back, all the fear mongering pumped into me about how Wiccans were actually "evil Satanists". I had to sit back, and keep reminding myself "it's OK, it's just another religion, nothing to fear here", and talk myself down.
The irony of it was that all my life, I had been told that Wiccans were such evil people, and yet she was more welcoming to me, and accepting of me than most people in Christianity that I had encountered in my lifetime.